Look this conversation:
Him: I have to admit that my favorite sweet is chocolate.
Her: Yes, chocolate is delicious… Especially when it's melted.
Him: Hmmm… Melted on what?
Her: Would you like to find out?
For some it may sound corny, for others it may sound like the beginning of a conversation between two porn actors who are about to enter the scene and for a very, very small percentage, it may be the first lines of the conversation they usually have with their partners just before they start having sex.
In the latter case, it would be ideal for the percentage to be even higher. That couples who talk openly about their sexual tastes and preferences was much broader. However, the reality is very different, even though we are in the 21st century.
Also Read: Couples' Choice: Top Rated Vibrators for Partner Play
Relationships today are much more complicated than fifty years ago. Why is that? In many parts of the world we still live in traditional societies where relationships are clearly codified, there are clear rules, there are roles and there are obligations. There is a tight structure that you can't get out of, but it clearly tells you who you are, where you belong, where you took risks, and what is expected of you. The worst thing is that you have no right to ask questions about what he wants, much less demand sex.
Fortunately, not everything has to be kept the same. Times are changing and we live in a time where we have the ability to raise our voices and be heard. We can demand, have a say and even express sexual desires to your partner.
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The Comunication Is The Key
Today we can maintain a full relationship, where love abounds, but sexual pleasure is absent or what is there is absolutely boring. There are millions of situations like this around the world. If this is your case, don't be scared, the issue has a solution and can be summed up in a single word: communication.
Communication about sexual matters is one of the biggest challenges in a relationship. We do not know how to communicate our needs about sex because since we were little we have been taught that the subject is a taboo topic or it is forbidden to discuss it and that we should rather feel ashamed to talk about it, so we never take on the task of developing the skills to express ourselves, say what we want, how we want it and when.
The worst thing about the above is that we can make the mistake of believing or pretending that one of the parties feels fully satisfied within the sexual relationship, pretending that everything is fine, when the truth is that the true sexual desires were never fulfilled.
Let's start from the principle that no one is a fortune teller and that the most important thing is to be able to communicate. We have to know how to explain explicitly what we like and what we don't. The best time to do this is right after intercourse, when it seems like there may be more connection between both parties and they could talk about what they would like to experience at the next opportunity they get.
How Do We Communicate? Asking Questions
The important thing is not to assume or believe that you know in advance what your partner wants. In general, a man discovers from a very young age what he likes and what he doesn't, and seeks to achieve it in each of his sexual relationships. The same thing happens with women, although we tend to participate mechanically in the sexual act, pretending that we like what our partner is doing to us. The worst thing is that the man believes that he is doing well and that we are enjoying ourselves, when the reality, we insist, is that we must communicate.
It is important for couples to understand each other and one of the best ways to do this (if not the best) and to express sexual desires is by asking questions. Put aside feelings of shame and dare to express those questions that will help us better discover not only what our boy wants, but also to know ourselves better from a sexual point of view.
Questions like:
What would you like me to do?
Are you comfortable?
Does this feel pleasant?
What can I do to improve it?
Is there anything in particular that you enjoy the most or anything that you don't enjoy at all?
Hey, but make no mistake! The task of asking the questions is not yours alone. You should also lead the conversation so that you can express what you like, what you feel comfortable with, what gives you pleasure and what you enjoy most or not.
Be Open To Know Yourself
It will seem that we fall into repetitiveness, but everything here is a matter of communication. The couple must be open to being able to express what they need.
It is important that both you and your partner are open and willing to express what makes you uncomfortable and what gives you pleasure, in an open and frank way, leaving aside things that could be said to cause shame. If love exists, it is about being honest to ask and answer.
That is why it is also essential to know ourselves very well and know what we like and what we don't. Explore your body, touch yourself, feel where the greatest pleasure is. Once you are clear about that part, plan the conversation. It is not about losing spontaneity, but about increasing the possibility of having meetings where both can talk about those topics that are no longer taboo and that discussing them is important to keep the relationship alive.
Another fundamental factor is being open to getting to know each other. To understand that each one has their needs and that they must be understood. It is important to keep that in mind when starting the conversation. It is not about judging by what they are going to tell us, but rather creating a new dynamic of knowledge where we can see it as an opportunity to have a more intimate and pleasant relationship.
Time to talk? It can be any where both of you are alone (obviously). The best thing is a dinner at home or in a restaurant, a walk through the city or the park, and even a road trip that gives them hours and hours of driving ahead so they can talk about the topic openly and in confidence. It is not recommended to use the bed, bathroom or shower for this purpose. The moment could be misinterpreted and rather serve as one of the two (usually the man) to seek intimacy and the conversation that was so important to be relegated to the background or perhaps not occur for a long time.
Once the conversation has started, remember that you must express your wishes and know how to listen to his. Think about the things in which you agree and let them know, but also think about those in which you think they are not working and express yourself. Talk about what makes you feel good not only from a sexual point of view, but also from a romantic point of view. What we are looking for is to prevent the relationship from falling into stagnation.
Some Tips When Starting The Conversation
As we know that starting this meeting/conversation is not an easy task for many, as it can be nerve-wracking or fearful, we will give you a few tips before starting.
Never start the conversation with “You never…” or “You always.” Try instead to start from the positive. For example: “You know what would be fun to try?” Don't compare the current situation with previous relationships either. That can be fatal!
Make a commitment to respect each other's opinions and beliefs, but also be prepared for your boy to be defensive and in denial about everything you bring up. Another issue for which you must be alert and ready to respond is if someone proposes something with which you do not agree.
One of the best ways to conduct such a conversation is to start talking about “light” sexual topics (for example, what part of your body do you like to be touched the most?) until the conversation has reached a sufficiently advanced stage. deep enough to open up to talk about topics that could be considered more “strong” (What is something that you would like to do or have done to you but that you have never tried? Or do you like to tie or be tied to the bed?) .
Communication is important, yes, but so is imagination, so sharing or expressing sexual desires to your partner can be something filled with a lot of intimacy and excitement. Now, limits must exist. Although erotic fantasies can be something that generates a lot of pleasure, it does not necessarily mean that they will come true, even more so if they involve the possibility of one of the two parties getting hurt.
Conclusion
Fully enjoy your sexuality. Free yourself from old-fashioned prejudices and taboos. Talk to your partner about what each person wants and you will end up strengthening the relationship. Remember that everything is a matter of knowing how to communicate. Let us know how this exciting adventure went for you.
